On again – off-again relationships: Can they work?

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Nearly all of us have attempted the inconsistent and often tumultuous experience of the “on-again, off-again” relationship. It’s characterized by intense attraction – often great sex – however it almost always comes with difficulty, stress and lack of clarity about why you keep trying so hard to make it work. Your weekend rendezvous are exciting and sexy. Then when you try to work together on the other areas of your life including your careers, friendship and lifestyles, your experience is not what you truly want in your life.  It can create perceptions of confusion, guilt and resentment.

WHY ARE THEY SO INCONSISTENT?

Without being fully aware of it, we tend to participate in relationships from our emotions only – which leave us vulnerable to our ego and conditioned belief systems (“he should do this” or “she should act this way”). Some of us forget (or don’t know) that relationships are a conscious creation between two people rather than something you read about in a book and then follow the directions. Yes, emotions will exist, however, the creation of a strong partnership is one where each person becomes aware of their emotions through participating in the relationship, and work together to transcend them for a mutually developmental life experience.

THE FALSE SELF IS PLAYING A ROLE IN THE FORM OF FEAR

Even though we experience perpetual disappointment each time we’re “off – again,” instead of moving on and creating space for a new partner to show up, we cling to the hope that the experience with this partner will magically change. The fear of relationship “failure,” which is yet another conditioned belief system, or simple resistance to being alone, contribute to us perpetually working on the relationship – sometimes to exhaustion. We end up sacrificing other areas of our life to maintain the mediocre relationship that drains us of vital life energy.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION…

For a partnership to be truly synergistic, both people need be clear why they are in the relationship beyond simply being afraid of not being in a relationship. When both people are not clear, the result is an inconsistent experience where you bounce between connecting emotionally and sexually, and not connecting at the level of friendship or true partnership.

As you watch episodes of The Male Room TV, read personal and spiritual development books or whatever you’re doing to improve your life, see if you can begin to recognize your True Self – the part deep inside you that knows if this is the best person for you right now. It’s the part of you that cannot tell a lie. Even if you can’t recognize that yet, see if you can detect what the aspect of you is that keeps going back. If it’s a fear of being alone, a need to conquer or control, then you are participating in that relationship from your ego.

Then simply ask yourself, “do I want to continue to have this experience or would I prefer to leave that space open for something new, powerful and synergistic to show up?”

Whatever the answer to that question is for you – is where you are at right now.

With that new Awareness, you will truly know if you want to work on this relationship or move on.

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